How do we create boundaries?
Boundaries are created through a strong foundation of self-love.
First, we must be happy with who we are because we must first know how we wish to be treated by others. A lot of us may have “wishes” with how we feel we SHOULD be treated. The difference in this is when we truly respect ourselves we know that there are boundaries we WILL NOT accept and when crossed they become our deal breakers.
Looking back it can seem that things we used to accept from others are now number one deal breakers in our relationships.
Why is this?
Why do we now see that before we had self love we allowed others to just treat us how ever was convenient for them?
That it was ok not to have any hesitation or thought that there should be a boundary line drawn out?
It is important to know what behaviors you will and will not tolerate from others. If we love ourselves, we know what we deserve and what feels right versus wrong. Boundaries are very personal and vary from person to person. Knowing our boundaries can help us seek out healthy relationships we feel comfortable in. No one should ever feel that they have to force their partner to treat them how they want or with respect. If we know our boundaries and voice them we are one step closer to being treated how we desire.
“Tomorrow I will have no shame, and I will start again.”
It wasn’t long ago that you were hiding. You have been hiding behind your own skin and not allowing people to see you for who you really were.
When the time comes to be honest with someone about a certain identity you posses, it is one of the most liberating feelings you may experience. It is magical to be accepted by another loved one when you are ashamed of a certain identity you are hiding from. This can be about almost anything one is insecure about minoring from a physical feature all the way to a lifestyle, or past history. When you decide to be open and be your authentic self you win either way. Take that step and release what is holding you back. If you are rejected for that, then that person was not worthy of your special identity. On the bright side, a very negative thing can help you seek out others who treasure you and find you special with or without that and accept you for who you really are, your authentic self.
It is the most liberating and empowering feeling to be so aware of the types of mistakes you know you will no longer make. When you finally build up the courage to stand up for yourself and know when someone is crossing your boundary that it is not right and that it doesn’t sit well with you is how you know you are changing. Once you see the after effects of doing so, you will see how much greater value that action holds over allowing someone to take full advantage of you for instant and temporary satisfaction. It can feel safer and more “comfortable”- there is that term again- when you choose to go along with what someone else is ‘ok’ with.
However, it is only making things work for THEM and not you.
Since when are you not important too? When is it not enough for you to have your own voice and beliefs?
Once you establish what you know inside is how you will allow others to treat you, you can start having the utmost respect for yourself. There really is love all around. Love is always there lurking around and it is only when we can see clearly about who we are and what kind of life we want to lead that love can fully come welcomed through our door. The energy you create around you has an aura affect on others.
Do you sometimes notice that when you are with the man or woman you feel romantically and sexually about you put them on a pedestal?
You may think at first you are doing this because of how special they are to you. You may think you admire another person or “look up” to them. This is just not the case when we choose to place someone on a pedestal. In this case, by placing another person above us, we are literally and automatically putting ourselves below them in a much lower position with much less power. Not only is this a very vulnerable position, but also a very unhealthy one. If we want to find and seek healthy relationships we must not knowingly put others above us leaving us feeling worthless and not good enough to be valued and wanted.
What is wrong with us when we do this?
Why do we feel worthless and yet, still long for and pray that our “partner” will want us just as badly as we want them?
We are seeking validation for our feelings and seeking a reciprocation that will keep us in our pattern of denial and avoidance. We don’t want to face the issues we are actually fighting to overcome. Instead of playing into this negative pattern, we must allow ourselves to find a partner with whom we feel equally and mutually connected to. In a relationship, neither person is better than the other, and if there is an understanding where both see each other as special that is a healthy connection. After all, we are not in relationships to feel miserable and not good enough. If that is the case, we have ourselves to blame and can willingly experience that once we walk away from the situation. It is important to rid of those self-destructive thoughts and feel confident with our unique selves. This is a process, one that starts with awareness. Once you are aware you can continue to teach yourself every day until you finally reach the point of feeling worth it and good enough.